My current profile picture across social media was taken August 2013 before I took a dive. It was a low time. I’ve been reluctant to take a photo of myself in recent years. Who wants to see a picture of someone in a state of desperate physical and emotional health?
Even though I am looking more healthy these days my pride has been reluctant to show how much I aged. Why do we have these fears? People who see me face to face see how I look!
It took a lot of courage to actually take this photo a few months ago. And then more courage to post it here today and write about myself.
Since early adulthood I have been on a path of self transformation and this is one step I needed to make on that path.
So, how do I actually spend my time?
I have three hats at the moment. And am equally passionate about all of them.
Hat 1. I educate people about how therapeutic essential oils can impact all areas of our life, as they have done mine.
Hat 2. I tutor young children who are struggling at school with maths and English, including anyone who is dyslexic.
Hat 3. I am on the board of a non prophet organisation which disseminates information for those who are on a spiritual path combining the wisdom of all the world’s religions.
So there it is I’ve done it and like most things we fear it wasn’t as bad as I thought.
I read a blog post on the No Spank Challenge that broke my heart.
It was written by Dare Ellis called, And We Try a Little Harder. She has a compelling writing style. Not only does she write from the heart with humility and candour, but paints a vivid picture.
What broke my heart was not the description of her upbringing, both in her natural home and her first foster home, although it certainly was enough to do that.
What I was most moved by was this passage:
I was not raised in a gentle household, and so the example I had growing up was to meet force with force. The reactions built and trained into me are not gentle ones. I must overcome the urge to yell and slap every day. Every. Day. And sometimes I fail and yell at him. And sometimes I find myself trying to manipulate my son the way my father manipulated me. I blur the line of teaching him empathy with trying to make him feel guilty for things. And I hate the ‘me’ inside more every time.
This broke my heart because it doesn’t have to be this way. Dare and countless other parents who also “must overcome the urge to yell and slap every day” don’t have to keep doing the things that cause them to hate themselves.
Like I did.
I was that mother too. And sadly my girls grew up before I discovered what I know now.
My mission is to help those parents who are living this nightmare before it’s too late for their children.
So, what’s the answer?
It’s All Energy
Let’s back up a little. Let’s go back to that little girl or boy we used to be. I’m sure you know the science – the studies that tell us that yelling and spanking cause emotional damage to the child.
Well, we were that child, weren’t we? We got scared when we were yelled at, hit and otherwise abused physically and emotionally. These traumas (both big and tiny) got lodged within our energy system.
You’ve heard that we’re all made up of energy, haven’t you? In fact, nothing in this universe is solid. It’s all made of tiny molecules that vibrate at different frequencies. When something appears to be solid (like a rock), it’s just vibrating at a slower rate than something that appears less substantial (like air).
Just as our bodies have pathways for our blood to travel to different parts of our bodies, we also have energy pathways that are highways for electrical impulses to travel throughout our body too. Have you heard of the phantom limb syndrome of amputees? They often feel pain in the vicinity of where their leg used to be. That’s because the amputation didn’t chop off the energy pathway to the end of the limb.
Anyway, any emotional trauma we sustain creates a blockage in our energy channels. The more traumas we sustain, the more blocked we become. Unless we do something to unblock these pathways, our traumas (both big and tiny), will stay within our energy system.
So using willpower won’t eliminate our anger outbursts. The trauma that caused the anger needs to be released for us to release the anger once and for all.
Sadly, good intentions and willpower will not make us gentle parents. But what I’m about to show you will.
We cannot change our childhood, but we can change the emotional upset that we still hold within us.
I’ve changed how I interact with people (including myself) by using EFT (emotional freedom techniques). I’m much calmer and kinder to myself and other people.
It’s commonly called ‘Tapping’ because it works by tapping on certain spots on the face, torso and hands. These spots tap into the energy pathways that I mentioned before.
It’s important also to get in touch with the emotion (like anger) that you want to release. Getting in touch is best done by remembering a particular event in our past.
There are some words you can use while tapping but many people, including me, just tap and cry, or tap and rant about the event I’m remembering. I get best results when I sit and look at myself in the mirror while I ‘talk’ to the person I’m most upset with (usually my mother).
It’s amazing that after a short while of tapping and feeling the emotion, it will dissipate and be difficult to get back. I then move to the next memory and emotion that pops up.
It’s not magic (it’s science), but it sure feels like magic.
If you want to find out how to do this tapping thing you can learn about it here.
*This was first published by me on the blog EmpoweringChildhood.co.uk. It had over 6,000 views so when we quit that website I thought it was worth republishing here. The following is a useful question and answer comment that I thought was worth republishing also.
What is a parent supposed to do when approaching their child in a calm way does not achieve the desired result? For instance, asking your child calmly to get in their car seat and the child calmly says no and continues playing/running around the car, or in many cases screams no and flails and kicks? I understand, appreciate, and try these calming techniques, but I feel very flustered and helpless when my child does not cooperate. April
That’s a very good question April, I’m glad you asked.
Maybe some readers will be able to add more strategies but here is one answer.
I know getting in the car can be a frustrating business for us adults who have a different agenda to our children. We have things to do and places to go and a schedule to keep.
A child’s main priorities are to have fun and to learn. So if we work with these we’ll obtain their cooperation.
I’m assuming (from experience) that your reference to “in many cases screams no and flails and kicks” is as you’re picking him up and physically putting him in his seat without his cooperation? Or because he’s had experience of you doing this in the past.
That, of course is to be expected. Wouldn’t we do the same if someone did that to us? I know I would. This is what I did with my own children before it occurred to me there was any other way.
But working with the child’s agenda is the easiest and most respectful thing for us to do.
We can try waiting until the child is ready of her own free will to get into the car but that can take a long time. And we may not have that available. We may be in a place that’s unsafe for her to run around the car. I’ve sometimes given a choice of either getting in the car on her own or me helping her.
We could sometimes compromise and insist she get in the car but wait for her to be ready to sit in a buckle her car seat.
However here’s an idea that I cannot claim as my own but sadly I can’t remember who to credit. It’s a strategy that succeeds each time by working with the children’s agenda of having fun.
Why not turn this activity into a game? Use whatever he’s interested in. You could pretend the car is a spaceship, or a digger or a fairy palace, or whatever the child is into at the time. You could take on the persona of a character, talking in a voice that fits that character either suggesting or even giving orders (as appropriate) to enter the imagined place (the car seat) so they can begin the adventure. You can then let the child take it from there and go along with them on their imagined journey.
This works for getting into the car but if we think in terms of what would work with the child’s agenda, then we can come up with other strategies in other situations.
I hope this helps to get your creative juices flowing and more fun into your life.
Oops! In this post Money is Love I said I would post another one tomorrow. Well, after several tomorrows, here is the follow-up.
When I gave myself the journalling question “What does money mean in my life?” I was shocked to find myself writing about my mother for the first few days.
I concentrated on lack. Lack of love, lack of nurturing. It’s amazing really because compared to some children my childhood was fine. I was fed and watered. But I was also shouted at, talked to in an irritable manner, slapped on the legs and made to stand in the corner. My mother also used emotional blackmailed frequently.
You get used to things and it didn’t seem so bad at the time, except when I was a teenager I remember delaying going home from school most days because I didn’t like the unpredictable nature of not knowing what mood my mother would be in. I also remember several times crying on the way to school because of some upset at home just before I left.
Anyway, back to my journaling…. I wrote about incidences in my childhood for a few days and then I noticed a change. My writing started to get more positive, less focused on the lack and more on the abundance, the joy and the gratitude. Lovely!
I realised when sitting down to write this post that I’ve stopped journalling these past few days. Life has got in the way, as it does. So now I’m going to continue, so I thank you dear readers for ‘reminding’ me that it would be good to continue this journey.
Does anyone else journal? What is your experience?
I found an interesting book when I transferred my friend’s books to a more sturdy bookcase for her.
I thought the title was intriguing so took it to read. It is intriguing. She writes that
- Money Is Energy, And Energy Is Limitless. Only Our Fear And Our Limited Way Of Thinking Make Money Seem Scarce.
As well as an explanation of the sacred origins of money she talks about how physical money is infused with fear and other negative emotions. She gives exercises to infuse money with love wich is interesting.
Another thing she advocates is to change our beliefs and views of money. We’ve all been programmed to believe certain things about money; most of which is not helpful to receiving abundance. So I’ve been following her instructions.
Journalling. She advocates setting aside 20 minutes to write in a private journal each day. Write the question “What does money mean in my life?” at the top of the page and just write whatever comes into your head. Write for 20 minutes then stop. Do this each day.
I did this but I added another step. After I finished writing I read it over a few times whilst tapping on the EFT points of
top of head
side of eye
under bottom lip
under collar bone
under arm (on bra strap)
This has the effect of unblocking the energy blocks of the limiting beliefs or memories.
I noticed that each day my writing had a different theme and feel to it.
I’ll write about that in a post tomorrow because I really do have to go get some sleep now.
I’ve been feeling that the pictures I have of myself around the internet are not honest. They were taken a few years ago and I’ve aged since then. It’s taken me some time and a lot of tapping to actually change them. I was too vain and unloving of myself to accept the real me.
That seems a little odd doesn’t it? Vain and unloving of self? Isn’t that an oxymoron? (Love that word!) Well, I don’t think it is really. Vanity is pride which hasn’t got much to do with love in my opinion.
So I’ve been tapping on myself (using EFT , Emotional Freedom Techniques)
Even though I don’t want to change my picture, but I feel dishonest having pictures up that are not a true representation of how I am now, I accept how I feel.
Even though I’m too vain to have everyone see me how I am I choose to love myself anyway.
Even though I just don’t love myself, I don’t like the way I look, especially without makeup, I accept that this is the way I feel.
I did think about putting on some makeup before having a photo taken, like the one I’ve had up on this blog since I started, but I don’t own any anymore.
So the tapping worked and I’m going through the internet changing my profile pictures around the internet.