A Beautiful Apology


The Last Day of October

It is a beautiful Autumn day. The sun is shining, the air is crisp in the shade, but the sun warms the air where it shines.

It is probably the last day of the year to comfortably sit in the garden. The first lovely warm day for weeks. I anticipate partaking of one my favourite pastimes, sitting in the sunshine surrounded by greenery.

So I sit in the small patch of sun on the grass nearest the house to eat my lunch. At this time of year the sun, being lower in the sky, illuminates the garden differently. Whereas in September that part of the garden got sun all afternoon, if you’re late for lunch, you miss it and sit in the shade.

All is not lost; the garden is very long and narrow, and all I need to do is up-sticks and move farther away from the house. So I do.

But, my enjoyment is dashed because this part of the garden is engulfed in thick smoke from a neighbour’s garden bonfire. It’s wafting through and around my dry washing hanging on the line. I don’t want to go into the smoke to rescue the clothes and bedding which all reek by now. The smoke keeps billowing; the sun dips behind the roof, and the smoky garden goes shady.

My lovely afternoon is spoiled. I fret. My next door neighbour says the people with the bonfire told him they would warn him next time they burn something. His wife rescued their washing earlier. He told me that they had a very overgrown garden and had a lot more to clear.

Saturday 5th November

The following weekend is another fine day, cold but dry as I hang out my washing. I am about to go out all morning tutoring children, so I write a note to the gardeners.

Dear Neighbour,

I understand that you have a lot of overgrowth to clear in your garden.

The bonfire you had the other day caused strong air pollution over a large area. My washing that was drying outside needed two more washes before it no longer smelled of smoke. I was prevented from sitting in the sun because, as you can appreciate, sitting in a cloud of smoke is neither pleasant or healthy. It’s likely that one of the many neighbours surrounding you suffers from asthma, which is a serious condition.

I would, therefore,  like to offer a solution. If you hired a shredder, you would save the air and keep your many neighbours happy. You would also have mulch that you can use when you create your new garden.

I wish you a pleasant weekend.


I fold the paper and write Happy Saturday as a greeting.

I spend a while trying to create a non-judgemental message. I would love to improve in this area, so if you have a suggestion on wording it better, please post a comment. I would so appreciate your help.

I walk around the corner to find the house. I know I have the correct one when I find a partially cleared garden with a large charred circle in the middle. I see no postbox to pop my note through. I see the light on in the kitchen, so someone is up. I walk around to the back, and a man walks out of the door. I say “Hello, Can I give you this note?”

He takes it, and I walk back to be in time for my first tutoring session.

I come back after tutoring and shopping for food and notice a bunch of flowers sitting in the porch. It is an autumnal bunch of Chrysanthemums. I move closer to read the note.

Dear Patricia,

Sorry about the bonfire and your washing!!

Look forward to meeting you.

John, Maddy, Oscar and Josie

Oh! That’s so sweet! I want to rush round to say thank you but my foot is hurting, and I need to cook my lunch because it’s nearly mid-afternoon. I will go another day.

Let’s keep in touch. Let me send you posts as they come hot off the keyboard.

Sweet Poison

Ah sweet poison!

Yes, I am sensitive to sugar. I find it addictive. I have periods in my life where I have no refined sugar at all in anything – read all the labels and rarely eat processed  food anyway. But sometimes I have sugar and then find it incredibly difficult stop.

It affects me in several ways.

It makes my muscles tense and if I have it regularly I start to feel like an old woman whose body hurts when I use it. Cannot lift my legs up high and need to sit down often because I get so tired.

It also affects my mind. I cannot think clearly. My mind is fuzzy. I find it difficult to think of the words to convey my meaning. My mother had this problem too. She would present as having early signs of dementia when she indulged in a lot. This would dissipate when I had control over her diet and cut out the sugar.

It affects my mood. I get moody and depressed, irritable and angry. When I was younger; a teacher and a mother of young children, I would fly off the handle every day. I hated myself for it. I eventually ‘came off sugar’ for my own children’s sake and they would immediately know if I slipped back.

I also noticed it creates a hardness of heart that dissolves when I refrain from the substance.

I have noticed in some young people that it creates a hyperactivity big time when they indulge in sugar.

One adult told me that when they were a child and had sugar binges they felt out of control. It felt like something was vibrating inside that wanted to get out. It manifested as the child talking a whole lot of nonsense. Prancing around in order to relieve the sensation which needed to get out. They felt super agitated and felt even more agitated when someone uttered a thought that they needed to calm down. All this was very tiring which resulted in low sugar blues.

Does this sound like ADHD to you? Maybe instead of taking Ritalin a child could just refrain from sugar. Easier said than done. It would need a detox program and a willingness to come off the substance.

Writing this now makes me wonder if bipolar is in fact sugar sensitivity.

Does anyone have any relevant experience to add? I would love to hear about it.

Money is Still Love

Oops! In this post Money is Love I said I would post another one tomorrow. Well, after several tomorrows, here is the follow-up.

When I gave myself the journalling question “What does money mean in my life?” I was shocked to find myself writing about my mother for the first few days.

I concentrated on lack. Lack of love, lack of nurturing. It’s amazing really because compared to some children my childhood was fine. I was fed and watered. But I was also shouted at, talked to in an irritable manner, slapped on the legs and made to stand in the corner. My mother also used emotional blackmailed frequently.

You get used to things and it didn’t seem so bad at the time, except when I was a teenager I remember delaying going home from school most days because I didn’t like the unpredictable nature of not knowing what mood my mother would be in. I also remember several times crying on the way to school because of some upset at home just before I left.

Anyway, back to my journaling…. I wrote about incidences in my childhood for a few days and then I noticed a change. My writing started to get more positive, less focused on the lack and more on the abundance, the joy and the gratitude. Lovely!

I realised when sitting down to write this post that I’ve stopped journalling these past few days. Life has got in the way, as it does. So now I’m going to continue, so I thank you dear readers for ‘reminding’ me that it would be good to continue this journey.

Does anyone else journal? What is your experience?

Money is Love

I found an interesting book when I transferred my friend’s books to a more sturdy bookcase for her.


I thought the title was intriguing so took it to read. It is intriguing. She writes that

      Money Is Energy, And Energy Is Limitless. Only Our Fear And Our Limited Way Of Thinking Make Money Seem Scarce.

As well as an explanation of the sacred origins of money she talks about how physical money is infused with fear and other negative emotions. She gives exercises to infuse money with love wich is interesting.

Another thing she advocates is to change our beliefs and views of money. We’ve all been programmed to believe certain things about money; most of which is not helpful to receiving abundance. So I’ve been following her instructions.

Journalling. She advocates setting aside 20 minutes to write in a private journal each day. Write the question “What does money mean in my life?” at the top of the page and just write whatever comes into your head. Write for 20 minutes then stop. Do this each day.

I did this but I added another step. After I finished writing I read it over a few times whilst tapping on the EFT points of

top of head

between eyebrows

side of eye

under eye

under nose

under bottom lip

under collar bone

under arm (on bra strap)

This has the effect of unblocking the energy blocks of the limiting beliefs or memories.

I noticed that each day my writing had a different theme and feel to it.

I’ll write about that in a post tomorrow because I really do have to go get some sleep now.

Changing my Photo

I’ve been feeling that the pictures I have of myself around the internet are not honest. They were taken a  few years ago and I’ve aged since then. It’s taken me some time and a lot of tapping to actually change them. I was too vain and unloving of myself to accept the real me.

That seems a little odd doesn’t it? Vain and unloving of self? Isn’t that an oxymoron? (Love that word!) Well, I don’t think it is really. Vanity is pride which hasn’t got much to do with love in my opinion.

So I’ve been tapping on myself (using EFT , Emotional Freedom Techniques)

Even though I don’t want to change my picture, but I feel dishonest having pictures up that are not a true representation of how I am now,  I accept how I feel.

Even though I’m too vain to have everyone see me how I am I choose to love myself anyway.

Even though I just don’t love myself, I don’t like the way I look, especially without makeup, I accept that this is the way I feel.

I did think about putting on some makeup before having a photo taken, like the one I’ve had up on this blog since I started, but I don’t own any anymore.

So the tapping worked and I’m going through the internet changing my profile pictures around the internet.